Bed-blogging…its the new thing

Yes, bed-blogging I tell yah.  I am convinced its the new thing. 

Bed-blogging is appropriate for all and rather comfy.  That is when you don’t have a 65 year old bed that hasn’t been turned in about 34.5 years, and has lovely indentations where we (the hubby and I) sleep. 

Ha!  Take that you new space-age foam, pillow top making mattress companies.  I didn’t need to spend $4,362.11 to have a sweet arse memory foam, body conforming mattress, mine has done it all on its own….after 26 years of sleeping on the same side. 

There’s just one problem.  If I want to lay in another spot or position I'm screwed.  Seems my body doesn’t take to kindly to being laid on the hilly planes that are the middle of my bed.  Never mind you that surrounding those hilly planes are mountainous craters that I am positive I have lost at least one small dog in once, well at least I think that's where my other retro psychedelic fuzzy slipper went off too never to return from the depths that house my legs like the confines of a one-size-to-small bra.

Now before all of you start on me being all like,

“dude ur gross, ur mattress is 65 years old?  like double eww.”

and I'm like,

“um hello, I have three kids, one husband, two dogs, and a jolly rancher addiction, like, where did you think I was going to get the money to buy a new one?”

and your all like,

“seriously, your supposed to vacuum and flip your mattress at least every 6 months, duh.”

and I'm like,

“uh, my momma never taught me that.  She was too busy teaching me to eat just the green m&m’s, how to make a fruit basket, and how to dye my hair so when I say something dumb I can use the ‘blonde moment’ excuse.”

“and hey, its worked every time!”

“I like my momma, she's good people.”

and your all like,

“dude, have you never heard of Martha Stewart, she's like, famous.  She could help you with that.”

and I'm all like,

“dudette, seriously, I have been in jolly rancher rehab, looking for a long lost dog and slipper, and trying to wake the left side of my butt cheek up for 10 years after sleeping in my bed, so like, there!”

I win

love,

Krazay with a sick kid